Well my first Thanksgiving working the holiday in a 911 call center was interesting. I can’t believe how many people call to have other drunken family members removed from their home or dealt with. Hopefully none of you had that problem. We’ve had several sprinklings of snow over the last week, but nothing that makes our neck of the woods immobile. Hoping everyone is staying warm and able to move around in their neck of the woods.
Ok, so for this snippet, I’ve skipped ahead a chapter. Yasmin has left the officer and has now made it to her aunt’s house along side her mother. I felt this would be a good snippet to show right after the Thanksgiving holiday. I also wanted to point out how it’s funny that we sometimes have low opinions of ourselves and are surprised how other people around us actually view us. It goes to show you how we shouldn’t allow others to fill our minds with doubt. Here it is, I hope you enjoy:
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“You’re too skinny.” Titi Maria said, snapping me out of my thought and beginning to serve me a plate of food.
I smiled nervously at her. Travis had been telling me that I was getting fat, causing me to nearly kill myself, counting every calorie that I ate for the last year. I thought about that as she set a plate full of Puerto Rican Rice a slab of ham and a pastele in front of me. I breathed in the scent and smiled at my aunt as she waited me to take the first bite.
“Oh I almost forgot.” She said, putting a large spoon full of salad on the side of my plate and cutting me a piece of French bread.
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And there it is, thoughts? Please visit all of the other fabulous Weekend Writing Warriors by clicking here.
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Have a wonderfully blessed week everyone!!!
NEVA SQUIRES-RODRIGUEZ 
Yumm, pasteles, now I am hungry! And the snippet makes me hungry to read more as well. Great job.
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This is quite a sad snippet. I hope she can grow through the eating issues and find herself strong again. Great writing. I’m invested.
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Warm and homey snippet reminding me of years past with aunts coaxing food. I was thin. Thanks, my Chicago friend.
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I like how you touch on the self-esteem issue that most of us do struggle with. So wrapped up in body image it is…
And I’m hungry now. 🙂
That is just crazy about the calls to have drunk family members removed. Good 8, Neva!
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Oh my, how horrible for her. That would be like me sitting in a room for of smokers (not that there is anything wrong with that) seeing as I quit in September. Some health disorders are very trying on the mind. Excellent 8 showing all of that.
Just as a side note, some of your dialogue structure needs a closer look. There are a lot of sites on line that show all kinds of examples. In looking at the above,
“Oh I almost forgot.” She said, putting a large spoon full of salad on the side of my plate and cutting me a piece of French bread.
That is all one sentence really. Comma after forgot and “she” should not be capitalized.
“Oh I almost forgot,” she said, putting a large spoon full of salad on the side of my plate and cutting me a piece of French bread.
Here is a good one that is clear and shows examples. http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/ or look at one of your favorite writers. That will help too.
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Great excerpt to share on Thanksgiving weekend! I loved the sense of family….
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I loved the banter and the homey feel to it. Enjoyed the snippet.
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Hopefully her aunt can help her see the positive about herself!
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