Hey friends, The interview went well this week, I should hear back sometime this coming week. In the meanwhile I’ve been working a ton of hours since a couple people at work are on vacation.
I’m quickly throwing together a start to a follow up story on Liliana here, maybe you will let me know how you like it, so I can proceed from here?
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“What are you saying Sebastian?” I asked angrily.
I leaned over and rolled up my slacks, climbing across the moss covered rocks to join him. He turned away from me and climbed up higher on the rocks, his face blushing ferociously.
“Esperanza, don’t you think it’s strange that you’re so much darker then the rest of us.” Sebastian asked very seriously.
“I look like mommy,” I said quietly, biting my lip and retreating a step.
I couldn’t believe what he was implying as he looked away and shook his head without saying a word.
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And that’s it. I hope you enjoyed it. Visit my Weekend Writing Warrior friends here.
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NEVA SQUIRES-RODRIGUEZ 
The implication is leaving a million questions unanswered. Great way to hook your readers.
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Chelle is correct. Your implication and build up is fantastic. And you’ve done a great job with the emotion. I don’t know how many drafts into this story you are, but I would caution you to be careful with your use of adverbs in dialogue tags. I’m not one of those writers who thinks they should never be used, but in this snippet you have three of them in close order. I think if you replace two with an action of some sort, you’ll find your story becomes more fluid. Just my 2 cents! Great snippet and I hope you get positive news from your interviews.
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Thank you. I just wrote this quickly at work. I actually did it here first, so I don’t have anything in word yet. Total first run. 😉
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What a great start and way to draw your readers in! This poor girl has nothing but trouble, doesn’t she? 🙂
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Listen to Jess. I thought the same thing even as I read and felt anguish for Esperanza. Good eight.
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I felt Esperanza’s pain. I agree with the other comments about the snippet raising so many questions. Great job with that! Fingers crossed that you get that job.
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Great dialogue exchange. Makes me wonder what’s going through her mind. 😉
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Nice visual on the moss covered rocks, Neva. Intriguing dialogue!
Best wishes on getting the fulltime position! 🙂
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What a snippet! Of course I want to know more. Loved the interaction of the characters.
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Uh oh, sounds like old secrets might be coming to light soon. Intriguing snippet!
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