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Hey there friends! Hoping that everyone is staying warm in their neck of the woods. We’re jumping right into book three this week, which I’m still working on editing and need a name for! Any suggestions will be helpful.
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“She has nothing to do with this.” The woman shouted back.
“She has everything to do with this.” The man shouted, “She’s his daughter.”
“Are you crazy? You’ll be dead yourself in an hour.” The wife shot back. “As if her father isn’t bad enough, what do you think her husband will do?”
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NEVA SQUIRES-RODRIGUEZ 
Definitely makes me want to know more.
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You certainly seed the dialogue with intriguing information about the situation (you’ll be dead, what do you think her husband will you.” I don’t think you need all the shouting tags. I would eliminate those.
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Ah, I’m stuck now! Need to know what happens! I agree about the “shouting” tags though. Maybe add some interesting body language in there. Maybe she twitches or her face flushes, I dunno. Something other than “shouts,” though.
Loving it! Thanks so much for sharing!
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Neva. I agree with the ‘tags’. You don’t need them. You’ve dropped us into a scary family situation and now we want you to flesh it out. WOW! What a beginning.
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I have no idea what’s going on here, but it sounds dire. You’re so good at spinning out all this conflict.
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Your dialogue is very catching. I am pulled right in and want to know more. It is slightly difficult since it’s just “the woman” and “the man.” I agree about the shouting tags as well. I know you’re in the middle of editing, and I know that once you’re done, this story is going to be perfect! Great 8!
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Oh, I know these people–and she’s in some deep doodoo.
I’m inclined to agree with the shouting comments, also.
Neva, I have a lot of problems with punctuating dialogue. Cindy–one of the mods here at wewriwa recommended this site to me, and it’s helped me so much. And since I see a couple of places where you need commas instead of periods, I thought I’d share it with you.
The Editor’s Blog Punctuation In Dialogue
Have a great week. 🙂
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Grrr…okay, that didn’t work. I’ll forget trying to type the code. lol. It’s here. http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/ Gawd, I hope that’s the right url. I just copy/pasted.
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Duh-me! You have a wordpress blog–which automatically makes pasted links live. 🙂
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Seems to me this is a very dramatic, high stakes situation! (I won’t pile on about the shouting.) Definitely makes me want to read on and find out what’s happening and what the daughter herself thinks.
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